2. Doing the Days

Is it light yet?

I’ll play a game with myself and try to guess the time. Can I beat the watch?

What I mean is, will I be right? Will I have some power and control?

Does it matter what time it is? What even is time?

Quick calculation of how much sleep I’ve had. Seldom enough.

Small worry about dying prematurely or just dying full stop.

As long as the children are not still children.

Must stay alive and encourage joy and wonder.

Don’t keep clothes for best. Just be best every day.

Overdress for Tesco, wear lipstick, look at clouds, answer all questions fully and with interest, be present, praise the asking of questions.

Let’s make things! Let’s bake things!

The many shades and textures of guilt.

One day I will not be carting around nappies and snacks, carrier bags and spare pants.

They will look at me and have opinions and feelings.

Let them be decent ones. It is up to me to help with this.

Be inspiring. Don’t set them up to be perfectionists.

Let them be secure and confident.

Don’t let them get stressed about the state of the car, or the bathroom, or the amount of washing that will never be done.

Give them the skills to not give a fuck but also to help and be responsible.

Let them feel part of something.

The working organism of family life.

The wonderful, messy, sticky fingered, totally unreasonable but well intentioned life.

Where we make stuff with our love.

And we try to find and be the best versions.

Let them know who they are and be strong decision and mistake makers.

Let us all be able to wake up. And decide to have a good day.

These are the greatest of days.